I'd better write about this jackass before he's completely forgotten. I've been putting this off for too long.

Let me give you the rundown. Dick Heene and his family were on the show "Wife Swap", where two families agree to trade wives for a couple of weeks. Heene forced his family into doing this for the fame, the money, and the publicity. Dickard tries as best he can to act like a complete asshole on camera so that people would be all, "Ooh! What a fascinating person! He's so hilarious and unique!" In other words, he tries to be all outrageous and controversial just to gain publicity for himself and his family across the nation. Well, time passes and the Heene clan is forgotten about. He gets his three kids to do a rap video for Youtube. In this rap video they use profanities because KIDS CUSSING IS SO SHOCKING!!! Another plea for national attention. Dickle THEN tries to get their own show on TLC, who hosts such shows like John & Kate Plus Eight and Little People Big World. TLC gives them the thumbs down, and so Dicker Heener DOES THE UNTHINKABLE!!!

I went on about the balloon incident in this blog. But to put it briefly, Heenard tells his son to go hide in an attic. The son should have FALCON PUNCHED him...because his name is Falcon. Heene sets off the balloon and calls the cops pretending his son is in the balloon. Then it JUST SO HAPPENS HE WAS IN THE ATTIC THE WHOLE TIME OH WHOOPS LULZ!!! Then, one of the greatest moments in television history occurs. Wolf Blitzer has Darth Heene ask Falcon if they heard him calling his name while he was in the attic. Falcon says "yes." When Dick Van Heene asks why, Falcon said something like, "You said to do it for the show!"

HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Richard is almost immediately exposed as a fraud at that point and things go downhill from there! Now, Richard is a douchebag for a number of reasons. First of all, doing a poor job at setting up a hoax! Let me explain. You say that "Oh! Falcon must have untied the balloon and then hid in the attic because he thought he'd be in trouble!" Well then, jackass, why the fuck would you video tape yourself undoing the rope...and then stomping around like an idiot, pretending to get mad? Why was a camera on when Falcon untied a couple ropes? Because here's what happened, folks, Falcon unties the first two ropes and goes, "I'M GONNA GO HIDE IN DA ATTIC! LAWLZ!" and then Richard unties the other two and it takes off. It was extremely fake. Also, you have your six year-old kid do this shit, while he doesn't realize that what he's doing is illegal.

A couple days later, Heenus then decides to call a press conference on live TV. Then he's all, "OK! NOW THROW UR QUESHUNS IN DA BOX AN' I WILL ANSWER DEM ACCORDINGLY ROFLCOPTER!!!!!!111111" He never came back...that was when I decided I'd label him as the third douchebag. Because not only did he pull this hoax, in an attempt to gain more publicity and to increase his chances of becoming a reality show superstar like the Teutels, but after he gets exposed as a fraud, he uses THAT to gain fame.

So, his wife confesses to the state sherriff about it being a hoax. You'd think things would liven up at that point, but they suddenly died down. Richard should go to jail because he essentially prank called 911, got all these rescue teams involved, and set up a hoax. He forces his family to chase tornadoes and hurricanes and shit like that, risking their lives. He deserves a reality show about as much as Michael Vick deserves one.

Richard Heene will now be picked up by a tornado, and be swept away onto my List of Douchebags!!!